He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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