nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
