I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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