So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
