That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
