I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
