I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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