Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
