You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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