i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
