theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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