when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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