Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
