I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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