ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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