Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
