I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
