i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
