the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize