i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
