That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
