that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
