I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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