I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
