i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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