I met the friendliest cop last night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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