I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
