Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
