yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
