I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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