it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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