I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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