Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
