Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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