he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What a dumb baby whore.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
