Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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