Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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