If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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