just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
