What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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