I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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