Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
