well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
