I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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