I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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