i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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