They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
