She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
