Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That's intense
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
