So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
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It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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