Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
