Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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