4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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