I'm gonna have a badass scar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
