so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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