So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
