I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
