Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude i'm inner monologue high
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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