oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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