Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
