Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
