I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
