So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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