3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
