Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i now understand why vodka
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
