He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
