if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
