when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
