you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
