did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
