Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
