evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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