If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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