so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
