Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
